!

(I post a lot more stuff publicly now, but still like new friends.)

See also:
     NEUTRALIZE.org

        The best thing about having a job is that when I leave my job at the end of the day I can say that I "got off of work."

        Today, when I got off of work, my mom and I went out to eat at our favorite Mexican restaurant. While we were talking, the hostess walked past with a little crowd of women, seated them at a table a few feet away, and walked over to our table.

        "I love your," she said, and paused, drawing her hands up to frame the space just above her eyes. "I don't know how you say it in English."

        "Eyebrows?" my mom said.

        "I don't know," she said.

        "Eyebrows?" I said. We all gestured to our eyebrows.

        "What did you say?" she asked us, drawing big angles on her face with her fingers.

        "Eyebrows," my mom said. I smiled.

        "Eye brows!" she said. "Eye brows."

        "Thank you so much," I said.

        "Shoe are well come," she said. She smiled and walked away.

        A few days ago, my uncle, his wife, and his little white haired child stayed with my family in our apartment. None of us knew quite how to handle extended interaction and self-censorship, but I fear I proved myself to be the least civilized.

        I had to keep checking in with the sensible part of my brain: Alice, you left your sex toys lined up inside your shower. Consider discretely removing them to their hiding place in your closet lest you deeply scar your unsuspecting relatives. Alice, do not moan suggestively along with Princess Superstar. (Guests or no, let's try not to do that at any time.) Alice, you don't even like Diet Coke. Stop drinking your aunt's Diet Coke.

        I did my best to sleep through their (very brief) visit, and any time I was awake I spent in my darkened room like I was fuckin' Anne Frank and I was being pursued by perhaps the friendliest, most accomodating Nazis that ever there were.

        My aunt did steal and take some random pill that was sitting on my mom's dresser, though. My family's kind of fucked up.

* * * *

        I redesigned Neutralize a little bit! I also wrote about make-up/eyeliner for my girl Gabi's fat fashion blog Young Fat and Fabulous. Check it out by clickin' here!

        Also, message boards are weird and I wish I had more queers around me.

I got these motherfuckers for $8 on eBay and as soon as I get prescription lenses in them they'll be the very light of my life. Don't worry, I won't wear them until then. They're an absurd accessory but I expect them at least to be functional.

My current daily make-up configuration (pictured here without gloss; with gloss and a different, more exaggerated blush here*) was specifically designed for these glasses. Yeah, I do shit like that.

*When taking trampy photos, it just feels right to wear more blush. I actually feels right to wear excessive blush all the time, but I fight the good fight. I reign it in.

        "This morning," I said, "I was trying to decide what could be done about Kate Gosselin's eyebrows."

        "Kill her with a gun," Laurah said.

* * * *

        "Alice," Bradley said. He put his arm on my shoulder but stepped away, giving me a look. "We are friends."

        "No," I said, "we're not friends anymore. It's over."

        "Alice."

        "We've over. We reached the end. I don't even have a crush on you anymore."

        "Whatever," he said, "whatever!" He took his hand down from my arm and turned to walk toward the house. "We're friends, Alice!"

        "No, we're not!"

        "Best friends!"

        AJ mumbled something unintelligible.

        "What'd you say?"

        "Nothing," AJ said.

* * * *

        "I think I have seasonal affective disorder," I said, "but in reverse. I have a hard time in the summer."

        "Me too," Pam said. "I don't even feel depressed, per se, I just kind of shut down and feel disinterested in things."

        "That's comforting," I said. "Genuinely comforting."

        "Yeah, it's nice to hear other people have it too. I remember when I was a kid I thought I was going insane because everyone was so happy and I was just miserable."

        "My friends always want to get down and get drunk and stay out until 5 AM, and I know I'm supposed to want that too but I just end up home early crying about some stupid bullshit. Or nothing at all."

        "Exactly. I have anxiety attacks and crying jags and I don't want to be around anyone, much less a bunch of happy people in shorts who want to stay out 'til all hours and have a good time."

        "I'd love to believe there's a solution, but I'm pretty doubtful by now." I considered my options. "I'll just watch Priscilla, Queen of the Desert every day."

* * * *

        "Hey, what'd you say the other day? When I was pretending to fight with Bradley?"

        "Oh," AJ said. "Nothing."