!

(I post a lot more stuff publicly now, but still like new friends.)

See also:
     NEUTRALIZE.org

I got these motherfuckers for $8 on eBay and as soon as I get prescription lenses in them they'll be the very light of my life. Don't worry, I won't wear them until then. They're an absurd accessory but I expect them at least to be functional.

My current daily make-up configuration (pictured here without gloss; with gloss and a different, more exaggerated blush here*) was specifically designed for these glasses. Yeah, I do shit like that.

*When taking trampy photos, it just feels right to wear more blush. I actually feels right to wear excessive blush all the time, but I fight the good fight. I reign it in.

        "This morning," I said, "I was trying to decide what could be done about Kate Gosselin's eyebrows."

        "Kill her with a gun," Laurah said.

* * * *

        "Alice," Bradley said. He put his arm on my shoulder but stepped away, giving me a look. "We are friends."

        "No," I said, "we're not friends anymore. It's over."

        "Alice."

        "We've over. We reached the end. I don't even have a crush on you anymore."

        "Whatever," he said, "whatever!" He took his hand down from my arm and turned to walk toward the house. "We're friends, Alice!"

        "No, we're not!"

        "Best friends!"

        AJ mumbled something unintelligible.

        "What'd you say?"

        "Nothing," AJ said.

* * * *

        "I think I have seasonal affective disorder," I said, "but in reverse. I have a hard time in the summer."

        "Me too," Pam said. "I don't even feel depressed, per se, I just kind of shut down and feel disinterested in things."

        "That's comforting," I said. "Genuinely comforting."

        "Yeah, it's nice to hear other people have it too. I remember when I was a kid I thought I was going insane because everyone was so happy and I was just miserable."

        "My friends always want to get down and get drunk and stay out until 5 AM, and I know I'm supposed to want that too but I just end up home early crying about some stupid bullshit. Or nothing at all."

        "Exactly. I have anxiety attacks and crying jags and I don't want to be around anyone, much less a bunch of happy people in shorts who want to stay out 'til all hours and have a good time."

        "I'd love to believe there's a solution, but I'm pretty doubtful by now." I considered my options. "I'll just watch Priscilla, Queen of the Desert every day."

* * * *

        "Hey, what'd you say the other day? When I was pretending to fight with Bradley?"

        "Oh," AJ said. "Nothing."